Justification
by LisaJ
Summary: Lindsey takes time to think about things.


The Master Plan

Sure I sold my soul to Wolfram and Hart. I admit it. What pisses me off is the holier-than-thou attitude of Angel and his people towards me. What did I do that they didn't do?

Okay, I can understand Angel's actions; he was trying to save his son. He had a damned good reason to accept Lilah's offer. It's the others that irritate me. I was nineteen years old, dirt poor and desperate when I signed on. What are their excuses? What was Pryce's motivation for joining the firm, access to a better library? Or that skinny little scientist, what did she want - some shiny new toys to play with? And Lorne, what was he looking for, a golden opportunity to suck-up to all the major players in Hollywood?

As for Gunn, that whole upgrade business makes my blood boil. I earned my law degree and I started out in the mailroom. All those years in college and law school, hitting the books when everyone else was out partying, working my ass off to make something of myself, and HE gets everything I spent years working for zapped into his brain and walks into a top job. Am I supposed to have any respect for him after that?

Yeah, I'm a sleazy, amoral, money hungry shyster? So what, is that a capital crime? At least I'm honest about it. I don't pretend to be one of the 'good guys' while enjoying all the perks that go along with working for Satan's Own Law Firm. Unlike Gunn and Fred, I've never killed anyone and I've never held anyone hostage in my closet for months like good old Wesley. 

I tried to redeem myself once, but it didn't take. Although, in my defense, it's not like I had any sympathy or support from the 'good guys'. Unless, of course, you consider telling me to my face that my death would be 'an acceptable loss' and then abandoning me to face Holland and the mind-readers to be supportive. Would it have killed him to at least try my cell phone number to see if I was still alive? 

Or how about the warm reception I got from his office staff when I stumbled in, still in shock from seeing Lee Mercer shot in front of me. I still remember Cordelia Chase's flat, cold, voice saying "we just assumed you were dead" when she saw me, while Pryce stood there like a statue. Again, would it have killed them to at least pretend a little concern? Is it any wonder I didn't give a rat's ass about them after we summoned the Vocah? Like they say, what goes around comes around; if you don't care about my safety, I sure as hell won't care about yours.

Then Angel and I fought Vanessa Brewer and rescued those children. I literally put my life on the line for those kids, but god forbid Angel should say 'good job' or even 'thanks'. No, not him. I wasn't expecting a ticker-tape parade, but he could have acknowledged the risk I was taking.

Then Angel chopped off my hand! I still can't believe he did that. He should have known I couldn't have handed him that scroll, not without ending up dead and it wouldn't have been a quick or painless death either. Why should I have given it to him anyway? What did Cordelia Chase ever do for me? She made it clear she didn't care if I died so why should I have cared about her? And don't tell me he had to cut my hand off to get the scroll away from me. With his vampire speed, he could have grabbed it out of my hands before I knew what was happening. And then to leave me there, bleeding to death on the floor, maimed for life, is that the action of a hero?

I'm not even going to think about the times he tried to choke me to death. Oh no, we can't just talk to Lindsey, we have to grab him around the throat and squeeze the life out of him as a conversation opener. He never did that to Lilah, no matter what she did to him. I wonder if he ever found out about her plan to have Connor vivisected? Ah, it wouldn't have bothered him all that much, I'm sure.

I still can't believe that Angel believed that guy who showed up in LA last year, the one with the tattoos, the fellow who romanced that skinny stick Eve, the one who called himself 'Doyle' was me.

Do I look that stupid? You don't climb from trailer trash to a partner in a high-class law firm by being an idiot. And you don't rise as far as I did in a place like Wolfram and Hart without a very strong sense of self-preservation.

I had to use up almost all of my mystical credit to build him and give him my memories, well, almost all of my memories, and a few new ones, but it was worth the price. Poor bastard never had a clue. As far as he knew, HE was Lindsey McDonald. Funny, you'd think Angel might have guessed something was up when 'Lindsey' showed up with bad hair, and no scar around his right wrist. I guess Angel wasn't all that bright.

I'm still steamed at Lorne for whacking him. He was fighting on their side, for crying out loud! Okay, so maybe he or I should say, I'm not exactly a choirboy, but then again, neither is Angel. I still haven't forgotten the sound of those cellar doors swinging shut or the sounds of my co-workers being butchered by Darla and Drusilla. Where was the great champion then? Why shouldn't I have liked him? He was good looking, smart, but not quite as smart as me, he had great sense of humor, played the guitar well. I guess you could say I had a proprietary interest in him. I was planning to keep him around, maybe give him a job at the firm after the dust settled. 

Anyway, to get back on topic, now that my competition has eliminated itself, it's time for a 'regime change' here at Wolfram and Hart. 

What Lorne did was nothing short of cold blooded murder and he's gonna pay. If I recall correctly, his species doesn't die when decapitated. I wonder how long his head would last with his body nice and fresh in cold storage. A talking head, mounted on the boardroom wall. Now that would be a nice conversation piece.

The end. 


End file.
